Coming home from school looks messy. There are backpacks strewn across the floor and uneaten lunches waiting for the garbage. And there are more shoes than people living on my entire block. But that’s the easy part. Eventually, the paraphernalia will get sorted and tidied up.
The real messiness resides within my children.
It’s the chatter that bombards me as I enter the house. It’s the hugs and glances that come my way. It’s the incessant needing and wanting that fills the hours until bedtime. It’s the connection my children crave until they close their eyes.
Coming home from school is hectic for all of us. Our kids have spent the majority of their time in the classroom, listening, paying attention, socializing, learning, and being busy. The idea that they can now roam free and be their boss is enticing and exhilarating. Couple that with the need to connect and get the parent’s attention and we have a big hot mess on our hands.
Here are a few tips to help transition to the after school jam:
Focus on connection rather than correction. Let the backpacks be, (even though you assigned a basket for them earlier that week). Let the shoes stay cluttered by the door (even though there is a shoe bin). Let the children be for a bit. Your child has been listening to rules and schedules all day. Give them some space before gently reminding them about their belongings. Focus on listening, hearing about the kids’ day, and connecting.
Feed the children. You can either feed them supper (Yup, supper at 4:00 is allowed) or give them a snack. Feeding the kids makes sure that need is met. So many of the afternoon meltdowns come from hunger and thirst after a long time. Remember that afternoon snack could have been several hours before arriving home.
Offer options when offering food or activities. Your kids have been listening to rules all day. That can look like offering pasta, cottage cheese, and baby carrots for supper. Or offering to color, playing outside, or taking out a toy. Options give children a sense of control after a long day at school.
Give children individual attention. That might sound dauting, especially with multiple children. But, it makes the afternoon attention auction much more manageable.
Individual time can be as short as 2 minutes.
It’s about naming it for what it is.
Focusing fully on the child.
For example, I will look at my kids and say, “Wow! You all want to share so many things with me. I’m going to make sure I can listen to each of you. Today I’m starting with someone wearing a purple shirt/ who has this teacher, etc.”
I choose which child based on fun and random facts as opposed to birth order. Then I call it that child’s time. “Ok, it’s Rachel’s Mama time now. I’ll let you know when it’s your turn. You can stay here or you can play. I’ll make sure to get you.”
All my kids get a turn. It takes a maximum of 20 minutes. If my children have more to share, I tell them I can listen throughout the afternoon or they can wait for a more private time by bedtime.
And most importantly, after school afternoons are messy and that’s ok. Some afternoon will go splendid while others will follow one tantrum after another. These tips help children feel included in the process and connected to us. And that’s always helpful:)
Feel free to:
Sending love from In Between the Tantrums,
Sara Smith