My mom was battling cancer during the height of COVID. And while I swam in the ocean of tantrums, messes, and pregnancy nausea, the medical calls would come in. Mostly, they were horrible news. And I felt like a rock was pushing me down under the ocean, holding me there. So I would go outside to process the phone calls. It was usually 2-3 minutes and then back to the kids' mayhem. But I knew I needed that physical and mental space to process and compartmentalize.
That was a heart-wrenching era. It didn't feel fair to have to juggle so many things during a pandemic. But the outdoor breaks to release my emotions saved me.
They gave me the ability to let out so I could continue to let my children in.
As parents, we juggle different parts of our lives alongside parenting. So, although our children require attention, those other areas of our lives can also demand the same attention. As a result, when our personal lives are causing stress, we can naturally transfer that stress into our parent-child relationship. Our children can suddenly feel like a huge and overwhelming burden. We can feel angry and stressed. And we tend to blame the kids for their unruly behavior, when in fact, those tantrums happen every day.
We are the ones that are changed.
We are drowning in the ocean of personal issues when we usually have our feet firmly on the shore.
It's normal to have stressful times. It's human not to have all of life's puzzle pieces in place. So make space for that, emotionally and physically. Take a few minutes to hug yourself and acknowledge the personal burdens you carry. Show compassion for where you are.
And then put those issues into a drawer and lock it with a key. Tell yourself, "I'll open that box later." And open it later. Keep true to your word. This strategy allows us to find a place for all those mixed emotions. We're not denying their existence or shaming ourselves for feeling them. We are acknowledging and placing them somewhere else for safe-keeping.
And in the meantime, we can take a deep breath and plant those feet firmly on the sandy shore.